It was just over a month ago when I reluctantly joined the blog scene to touch the world with my anaconda-like genatalia. If you are an avid reader or just caught my last post you may have thought “why is everyone making status’ about this shit, that post was terrible”, honestly half of my posts will be more worthless than buying condoms instead of latex gloves (not only is it cheaper to buy latex gloves rather than condoms, but its easier to bang 5 times in a row too). You may also be complaining about Ruff’s posts. Sorry, he begged us to get a spot in the blog, but when he couldn’t figure out what to write about, we said just treat it like a journal, he said “I haven’t wrote a journal before, but I’ve always tried to keep a pube from every girl I’ve pounded, if she had any. Is that the same thing?” . No Ruff that’s not even remotely the same but whatever keeps you pumping out sub par posts is fine with me, so bare with him. Now if you ask Reggie his role in this movement is to keep the people coming back, he thinks he is the captain of this 0.0 Experiment team, little does he know his posts are decent at best. If you haven’t realized what I’m getting at here, it’s that although sometimes my posts may be more boring than a 2008-2009 Detroit Lions game, to not worry because I’m making a Robert Downey Jr. comeback.
With the word of The 0.0 Experiment spreading around faster than Magic Johnson’s AIDS I figure by next October kids are going to want to dress up as me for Halloween. So for those of you dressing up as yours truly, remember that most of you will have to stuff your crotch if you want people to “get it”. With that out of the way I feel like this is a good time to say sorry that I killed your pet Alpaca over spring break, Pat. Honestly, it was the shrooms man. And while I’m on that point I would also like to say if you’re watching the Blue Man Group documentary, do yourself a favor and don’t eat shrooms before that shit.
Although several girls on campus hate me and I’m probably single handedly the reason the two girls we met at Bellarmine left the party and are scarred for life, even Shamwow can’t help the ladies when I’m around. Not many people can charm the panties off of women like I can, Michael Jackson was definitely one of them though. A true hero of greatness. “Alec, give me some tips for the lady and I”, I get this a lot so here you assholes go don’t say I never did anything for you.
First, follow this math, KY + K-CI + JOJO = SEX (ANY HOLE)
You can get away with slammin’ in the handicap stall if one of you comes out walking all like a retard and shit.
There is a difference between fucking and making love. Just don’t let anyone tell you love is exclusive to the vagina.
A man has needs. Those needs usually start with the letter “P” and end with the letters “U-S-S-Y”. Remember that girls.
The fastest way to a woman’s heart is through her bra.
And before I give away too many secrets, often times its better to carry current STD results rather than, say, a rubber, in your wallet.
Since I fucked you all up with that truth I’m sure you are asking yourself “He seems to know a lot, I wonder what his greatest memory is?”….Blowjob from a gymnast in a meth lab. She had braces. CCR’s “Who’ll Stop The Rain” was playing. Don’t judge me though, relationships just aren’t for me. I was in one once but when she wouldn’t jerk me on a rollercoaster I knew she wasn’t my soulmate. And for the record, you bastards should feel lucky I’m sharing this knowledge with you. The best advice I ever got was when I was 11 and my uncle told me to live by the 3 P’s. Peyote-Pussy-Percocet.
I think its obvious I’m not your average Joe, at several of my birthday parties I’ve had pinatas that resembled my enemies, I had everyone watch while I beat that shit. No candy. Pig’s blood. I also choose not to go by any of that farmer’s holiday time changing bullshit. It’s Alec Kerr’s time all day, everyday. But just know in some sense I’m like all of you, I wipe my ass with one hand at a time and when I need to resist the urge of a woman’s chinese finger trap, I do so by keeping a Land’s End catalog in my truck at all times.
At this point I’m sure most of you ladies are requesting me as a friend on facebook, some of you guys are thinking that I was possibly playing eye tag with your girlfriend instead of looking like a complete creep staring at her in the cafeteria tonight, and the rest of you are trying to figure out who this tool is and how you got tricked into visiting this site. I’m Alec Kerr. A man of few words. A man with a large ball sack. A man with the courage of a Komodo dragon. A true fucking American Icon.
"SURE I'VE BEEN CALLED A XENOPHOBE,BUT THE TRUTH IS I'M NOT. I HONESTLY JUST FEEL THAT AMERICA IS THE BEST COUNTRY AND ALL THE OTHER COUNTRIES AREN'T AS GOOD. THAT USED TO BE CALLED PATRIOTISM."
No comments:
Post a Comment