"A True Patriot" -Alec Kerr

First off I’d like to say that even though I hate Ruff more than Christen Salyer does, I let him come visit this weekend and even though the rest of the 0.0 Experiment crew thinks his posts are wrote at a 6^th grade level, everyone at IU treated him, in Ruff’s exact words, “like Brad Pitt”, which made me come to think the world would be lucky to make it to 2012.

I’d also like to address Reggie Kiel. Not only did he not tap a broad of a different race last year, thus wasting 2009, but his jokes and sarcasm make him about as funny as Sinbad. Is it the neon pants, the dangly earrings, the oversized Reeboks, or the fact that you don’t drink the reason you aren’t funny? Oh yea it’s your shitty jokes. I think we should all stop taking this napalm of Carlos Mencia-like humor he has and fight back. If I asked who has been personally victimized by Reggie Kiel, I’m sure a good amount of people would come forth. Personally I think he has a lot of emotions built up and he got beat up by his brothers too much, that’s why John Mellencamp has to not only provide for his own family but help Reggie get girls as well. Sure, his mission in life to get his fingers sticky is noble and certainly American but he’s kind of a diva. I mean this is the same guy that would tell you he had to stiff arm bitties to keep them away in high school, yet he was that kid on the bench holding the other players back from going on the court after a big shot in tight games. When has “that guy” been the reason a team stayed off the court? When has anyone even got a technical for it? I’ll tell you Reggie. Never.

Is it true that Sheehan has to go to Gresham for me to get my food because I can’t even walk outside McNutt without some bitty trying to get a piece of my shit? Maybe.Is it true I was put on this earth do 3 badass things? Abso-fucking-lutely. I was put here to show off my silky smooth jumper during warm ups in high school, to pleasure girls 10 seconds at a time, and to give advice through my infinite wisdom and be the main reason people can’t get their homework done through this glorious blog.

Since a lot of you fucks keep asking me to get a spot on the blog, to mention your name, or to post a story about “how you were in freak accident at birth when your dick was mistaken for your umbilical cord” just realize me fucking you up with all this truth should be good enough. I mean we didn’t just make this 0.0 Experiment to share funny stories about Pickles shitting his pants, Ruff getting sick after 2 shots and a cut of Grizzly wintergreen, or Terrell doing doughnuts in the backlawn of a elementary school at 5 in the morning. But also to share the wisdom that causes me to be the picture on most girl’s wall on campus (assured, most of them are throwing darts at it though) and charm my way out of being kicked out of this institution they call Indiana University and having a criminal record a mile long. It should be a treat for you avid readers at least it would be for me because I was never touched with this knowledge, the only thing I got was my dad saying “get a job and if life sucks asshole, keep your chin up or don’t be surprised if someone knocks the shit out of you for looking so motherfucking glum”.

Now 6 or 7 of you girls reading this are probably thinking I’m out of your league and to some extent you’re damn right. But before you get too nervous to start a conversation with me at the health office when I’m getting checked for mono (it could be gonorrhea or mono, they have the same symptoms. And yea I’ve already had mono so who knows.All I’m sayin’ is that’s shit we can work past) because I’m “the guy who writes the blog”, realize I’m just an average American with extroadinary hair. It’s just the thing that sets me apart is that I’m wise beyond my years and in any question you ask I can almost guarantee I’ll have the answer for it. And with any question you ask I can almost guarantee the answer will be, two girls at one time.

There is a few big decisions that you need to make in life to be successful. The main one, if you haven’t figured it out already, is to stop sucking dick and start getting your dick sucked. Live by that rule and you’ll be happier than me at the end of March. It’s my favorite time of the year, not because it’s warm, the bitties are everywhere, and it’s NerdBashing season, but because I can creep for countless hours on Facebook. A little thing I’d like to call Spring Break photo albums.

If you are an avid reader you already know I’m the biggest activist to ever push the fact that America is better than all the other countries. A true patriot.And if this is your first time visiting the Experiment you’ve probably already realized I have too much swag for any of those shitty countries. Now I saw this clip titled“We aren’t anti-American, We Just Hate America” the other day and if I would have had a gun in my hand I would have Elvis’d that TV. I mean we all have our “what the fuck is the government thinking” moments, but it’s just like being Mormon. Yea I was pumped when I heard it’s not cheating if you’re Mormon, but I’ve never had two guys roll up to my front door on ten speeds and be like yea you guys make a lot of sense come in and tell me some more.

If you aren’t American and you come over to this dazzling country, at least respect the bitch. If I’m going out to my car and I see a trail of ants with a candy wrapper, I’m thinking “good luck with the candy guys”, but if they are in my dog’s water bowl I’m bringing wet death from above. I’ve got a can of some radioactive shit with a picture of you lying on your back with a red line through it. I’m spraying you, your whole family, and the hole that your shitty village is coming from. So if you aren’t patriotic as shit I’m doing the same thing to you that I do to all the people who told me I wouldn’t be shit. Report you to the IRS.

Finally, everyone is soooo fucking shocked I’m accepting your friend requests and letting you into my close circle of friends. You’re my fans. Yea I’ve got 1,000 friends but I swear I’m BFFF’s with each and everyone one of you. Now spread my fucking love and let everyone know……The 0.0 Experiment is taking over the greater Monroe County area.

"SURE I'VE BEEN CALLED A XENOPHOBE,BUT THE TRUTH IS I'M NOT. I HONESTLY JUST FEEL THAT AMERICA IS THE BEST COUNTRY AND ALL THE OTHER COUNTRIES AREN'T AS GOOD. THAT USED TO BE CALLED PATRIOTISM."