"A Few Good Moments With Matthew Ruffing"

"Kenny Norman"

What’s good haters, I know most or all of you are either on Spring break or preparing for it, so I come to you again this week with just a few things to say. First off, I’d like to formally apologize for the pathetic post earlier this week, I lost a lot of respect for myself with the combination of my pre-pubescent performance at IU as well as the dog shit post. If it happens again I’ll suspend myself from all things blog until I can get my shit together. Quick side note—shout out to Allen Iverson. One of the best small guards to play along the likes of Mugsy Bogues, John Stockton, as well as, Tim Dossman and Tommy Rouse who were dominant CYO players (Rouse actually played power forward but the motherfucker did it at 5 foot 4 inches, mad props). But Iverson did it while saying “fuck practice and you, Larry Brown” as well as doing so much wreckless gambling and drinking that the dude got banned not from just one casino, but every one in Atlantic City and Detroit.. I’m sorry but how do you get banned from every single casino in DETROIT??? God bless you sir.

While on the topic of basketball, I think it’s necessary to acknowledge March Madness like every other generic blog. It’s the second best thing in the world behind Miley Cyrus’ body. I thought I was at the top of the class of creating genius brackets until Wake Forest lost first round last year, I had them in the final four (Fuck you Teague). But this year I’m gonna make a few bold predictions right now before the bracket even comes out: Butler is going to the elite 8- Gordon Hayward is dirty and so is Shelvin Mack and Brad Stevens is the smartest coach under 50 years old in all of America; Kansas doesn’t make the final four, maybe not even elite 8- Aldrich is a pussy and I never saw them play consistently well; Syracuse and Kentucky in the championship game – there’s no way Wall and Cousins are going out before getting to the final game, and if they do they both go for 20 and 20 in their final college game; Purdue is out by the sweet 16- the blame shouldn’t go to Hummel’s injury, more so the fact that they have dudes like John Hart getting legitimate minutes. I watched from the bench as my team played him in high school and none of us were concerned about him before the game and didn’t leave the game saying, “wow that Hart punkass was sick.” And Stevie Loveless is on the team. You gotta be fuckin’ me Painter. I watched Pat Kennedy dominate the shit out of him every summer, bottom line he doesn’t deserve to hand the actual players little cups of water when they come off the court. Call me Painter I’ll get you in touch with Kennedy who is better than Hart and Loveless combined and the bastard hasn’t cared about basketball since he touched Christen Salyer’s thong. Mad Props to Kelsey Barlow though.. dude’s sick, he should be getting more minutes though, second best defensive player on the team behind Kramer..not a bad person to be second to your freshman year. Do you Kelsey 317 for life.

As IU’s spring break is quickly arriving, Reggie has made a paper chain countdown for the day he gets to come see how we do it in the nap and Kerr has been struggling to sleep at night asking himself what shenanigans we’re about to get into. Number one- you pussies aren’t ready for Compton Street. Too many lives have been nearly lost, too many close calls with the police and drunk meatheads, too many eggs have been cracked, and too many bitties have lost their virginity (bullshit on that last one minus maybe Wil’s mom). The Compton Spot is central for what some people would call immature and illegal destruction of property. In no way am I admitting to any of the following crimes, but only repeating these farfetched stories that have been whispered on the streets of broad ripple and the surrounding area for the past 4 years.
A few kids have been rumored to have done the most insubordinate and inhumane things this area has ever seen. For example, for a few years there were some teenagers who considered themselves professionals at executing the classic egging of cars. On too many occasions these hoodlums would buy up to 100 eggs at a time and plan on using each and every egg on that given night. These bastards were fuckin experts. Never striking from the same spot twice in a row, they were swift, nimble and just overall athletes that survived on the their youth and legs to make swift get aways from the car that just got smacked with 4 or 5 eggs all over their fresh new Hummer’s windshield, windows and doors.

You will learn to respect not just The Compton Spot, but The Frathouse and the classy Springview Drive. The Frathouse is where you will lose all sobriety once you enter the door and the music of chart topper B-Shags blares from the beer stained garage. Springview actually kinda sucks. Nothing really cool happens there minus that’s where Gordon Bombay rests his head at night. As well as the time Pickles and I almost got shot by the block’s druglord. No bullshit. The dude heard us rustling around his house looking for some shit we had lost, started coming after us and as we ran he reached for his low back, naturally we immediately stopped because we knew what was about to happen while that bitchass Hurrle left his boys to die- suck my dick you blonde faggot. The vicelord then became our best friend, gave us his number and told us to come party with him sometime. When we called him a couple weeks later just for the hell of it, the phone had been disconnected and was being monitored for illegal activity. 86th and Springview does it real big. But in all honesty nothing cool will probably happen when you’re here strictly because most of us have matured since those days.

God Bless America, Daniel Kleinschmidt and Joel Tucker for giving us awesomely perverted music, Michael Terrell for constantly telling a story, Jon Dawson for being too drunk in Cancun and repping the Frathouse on facebook harder than ever, Alex Miller for making out with a girl and afterwards being shitty at her for leaving because she was definitely down to fuck, and to you for respecting what we’re doing here.